I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.
Yesterday - What Will Prosperity Reveal?
Four years ago, I moved cities into a job at a very exciting role. It turned out to be an awesome two years in that role. I was promoted into a management role. Which has been my career aspiration. Not CEO or CISO or even a VP or director type (if they happen they happen). It was management. With the management role I also reached my financial goals for my family. Anything from here on out is a plus. After years of struggling financially. Starting a family while working on my degree while also working was a struggle personally. I had achieved what I wanted. My happy ending. Only it wasn’t. What the achievement showed me was that I had a lot of work to do on myself.
Having success and less to worry about made me start questioning what my purpose was. They say if you have all the money in the world you’d do what you’re passionate about. I played video games and drank a lot. The podcast I had been running since 2015 shut down because it felt more like work than the previous pleasure I got out of it. I decided to spend more time with the family. I had made the sacrifice of not being there because I wanted to get us to a better place financially. Now was time to focus on them a bit more. That done and continuing on still left me with more time to fill. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had a bit of paralysis analysis. I had a lot of different interests and no idea what I should be working on. Do this, nah because of xyz.
Last year I started reading more and quickly realized that the problem wasn’t finding purpose it was working on myself. I had demons and scars from childhood (we all have them) that needed to be worked out. I realized the struggle was improving myself and trying to become a better person, because I was far from a good person. I still am working on becoming a better person. That’s the lifelong journey. Trying to become a better father and husband and brother and son and friend.
Today - You Hold The Trump Card
I control how I react to things. This was a big realization for me over the last year. I can’t control other people, my health, the weather, or anything else external. I can control how I react. I can choose to be happy or angry. Outside factors influence my emotions. Ultimately, I make the choice. This is something I thought about today. I’ve had some frustration at work. I’ve seen other people handle it much calmer than I have. I’m choosing to get frustrated by it. I can’t control the other person and it’s a waste of energy to do so.
Work used to bother me a lot more than it does now. I would lose hours of sleep thinking about people and situations. Really the only thing that helped me sleep was alcohol. Doing that was about as useful as thinking about a work issue for three hours. I’ve worked on it. I’m still working on it. Just last night I took a fukitol pill. Drank and played video games for a few hours. It wasn’t as bad as it was in the past. I realized this morning that part of the reason was my frustration and not dealing with it head on. To deal with those types of frustrations I usually work out. Then I’ll sit in the shower and meditate for a bit. It’s much more effective than drinking and avoiding the issue.
I tell my kids this when they get angry or upset at their sibling. They are choosing to make their own reactions to things. That realization is very valuable in life, because there will be frustration and struggle. How I choose to react will help me sleep at night or keepme up.
