The Real Source of Harm

I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

When someone causes an emotional reaction, that is on us and it often harms us more than them. We can’t control others. We can control how we respond to things including a slight made against us. One technique I’ve heard used for dealing with frustrations and stress is to write an email or letter to someone and then destroy it. If we’re the ones of topic and we never receive the letter then we don’t get upset. It requires us to have that emotional reaction.

I listen to the Manager Tools podcast on my commute into work. One of the stories from that podcast is about how one of the guys was getting pocked in the chest by someone in the elevator unbeknownst to the guy carrying the umbrella. That guy gets off and the guy turns to his buddy and expresses his anger. His buddy responds with, “He was just poking you with an umbrella. You’re the one that got angry.”

It’s something I tell my kids when they argue or fight. You get to choose how you respond to certain words and physical acts. Getting upset often escalates that situation.

Daily Stoic(s)

I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

Tuesday - The Grand Parade of Desire

Is it really worth it to indulge in our cravings. I’m often struggling with my cravings for alcohol and video games. On the one hand an over indulgence can lead to some negative outcomes. Drinking too much results in a hangover and too much video games results in lost productivity. Should I be not indulging in them at all? I enjoy both especially in social settings. I’m working on finding the right indulgence level, but I feel like I’m not supposed to be indulging at all.

Wednesday - Wish Not, Want Not

Today is about goals. Goals are a good thing. In this stoic they can also be a bad thing. Wanting little has much lesser ramifications than pining for something we don’t have. At a certain level I get that. I feel like at some level we have to want something and strive for that. It’s what gives us a purpose. I’ve struggled with purpose for the last year. I thought I was okay with what I had. I didn’t want a whole lot more career wise or things wise, yet I still fell into a bad place with an over indulgence in thing. Wanting to get more out of your career and providing opportunities for my family seem to give me direction. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being very punchy today.

Yesterday - What’s Better Left Unsaid

These is a hard one to understand. I think the message is to be thoughtful in our responses. We don’t need to be emotional and pandering to our ego when we speak. Ego is something I’ve become a lot more aware of lately. Ego has a certain confidence quality. Unfortunately, too much of it can lead to negativity and a feeling of deserving. It’s easy to put too much into my ego. I believe, ultimately, that this stoic is about taking a moment to be mindful and thougthful when we speak.

Today - Circumstance Have No Care For Our Feelings

Love the last two lines:

“So stop acting like getting worked up is having an impact on a given situation. Situations don’t care at all.”

One of my faults is that I let myself get worked over things not being done properly. In my view and the longer I’m at a company I start to see all the (in my mind) inefficient processes. I have a tendency to get very mad at them and bitch and complain. I feel like I am the rally organizer railing against the injustices of the world and by doing so making an impact. I’m find more and more that’s not the case and if I keep down this path I will end up dead before 50.

A good example of this is the loss of one of the ping pong tables at work. It was removed due to some frustrations by others whom had a problem with people using it. I was pissed. I didn’t appreciate the situation and how it went down. I didn’t like that it changed my view a little bit about the company and how it handles the culture. Don’t get me wrong it’s still the best company I’ve worked at. I’m a little upset that the company that prides itself on culture is encouraging the removal of things. I think of how I can bring it up in conversation with the people higher up.

It doesn’t matter though. We still have another table that isn’t going anywhere. Anger and rage won’t bring the other people back. Wishing bad things for the people who had it removed isn’t helpful either. All I can do is voice my opinion in a future company survey and move on. I think I’ll live longer that way.

The Banquest of Life

I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

Lots of lessons in this one on table etiquette and manners. We should be patient for the dishes on the table and wait our turn. Reaching out is impolite and is a metaphor for wanting something we don’t have yet in the future. I’m reminded of trips with this idea. I often don’t get excited about a trip until we’re on our way with the trip. I’ve found getting excited ahead of time doesn’t really do much for me.

A lot of those same lessons can be applied for wanting for things to get done at work. I was once asked why I’m not upset or freaking out about a security incident that we were currently dealing with. My response was that right now someone is starting or doing something that I will find out about in three months and it will blow up my day. There’s no reason for me to get upset now. It’s already happened and in the past. What’s important is moving forward and addressing the issue. I used this same mindset early in my IT career. When I had long workdays that led into early mornings, I always told myself that at some point I would be at home in bed sleeping.

There are other lessons from a banquet. Be grateful to be invited. Take our time and savor the moment. Don’t indulge too much in the food or drink. It’s not healthy. Offer assistance at the end to help cleanup which is selflessness. Finally, put on your own banquet of charity.

Daily Stoic(s)

I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

Yesterday - The Enemy of Happiness

The yearning for something that we feel will bring us happiness is the enemy. I’ll be happy when I get to this point or accomplish this in my life. This is something that will always be and happiness will never be reached. We need to look for the happiness in the moment. I feel like I do this alright now and can get better at it. It’s something I plan to be more mindful.

Today - Prepare for the Storm

I can’t quite place this stoic. It talks about remaining firm and not being kidnapped by our impressions. I think this is about emotional and passionate responses to things. Best example I can think of is political discussion. It seems to drive people to respond emotionally. I typically don’t engage and when I do I try to provide a balanced opinion. For me the emotionally response is when things at work aren’t working or operating at the optimal level. I’ve done a lot of work lately to try and remain firm against that storm.

Don't Make Things Harder Than They Need To Be

I am blogging everyday (or nearly everyday) on The Daily Stoic.

The stoic talks about taking a step back from requests coming from frustrating co-workers or bosses. Our initial reaction is to object and possibly deny. This tends to escalate situations, when there really is no need. I think there are certain points where standing your ground is warranted. Unfortunately, most of the time the requests are reasonable and we’re letting our feelings get in the way.

I’ve recently had a change of heart at work. I’m trying to protect my teams time and work. That’s led to rejecting certain opportunities when I asked. That attitude started to have a negative vibe on the team. I’ve since reversed course and am more willing to help on requests rather than reject them outright. If it’s coming from a frustrating co-worker I will sit down to see how I can best support them. The results have been positive.