Timely article on addiction from Leo Babauta

I got some time to catch up on my RSS feed today and came across an article by Leo Babauta that I thought was timely. His article, Mindfully Coping with Urges & Addictions  talks about approaching our urges and addictions mindfully. I believe this is the place I'm in. He explains it much better than I did in my previous article. One new thought I took away from the article, is the idea that handling addictions and urges is an exercise.

You don't just jump right into exercise if you haven't done it for a while. I can relate to this via running. A few years ago I decided to get back into running. I was way overweight (another good blog topic) and only getting bigger. It seems metabolism is something that starts to fade in your early 30s. I had run cross country my senior year of high school. Running long distances wasn't foreign to me.

When I started running again I could barely complete a lap around my neighborhood. Fast-forward a year and I was running my neighborhood four times. It took time, patience, and persistence to get to that point. Dealing with addictions is similar. It will take time and that's something that I'm becoming more comfortable with.

Alcohol final update (maybe)

Of all the blog posts I've written so far, the one that I've gotten the most responses on are my alcohol posts. Which I think is fantastic. Each conversation I've had with someone regarding their perceived struggle with alcohol has made me feel like I'm not alone. Some of these people are really smart and doing a lot of amazing things in their life. It's strangely comforting to know that they're struggling with demons similar to mine. Anyone reading this who has reached out, thank you.

I feel like I've reached a cusp with my consumption and enjoyment of alcohol. I've realized it's not a bad thing. I have buddies who I explore different types of beer with. We discuss taste and breweries we want to visit. Which ones are our favorite and which ones we haven't tried yet. It's also an opportunity to get away from the computer to discuss sports, video games, politics, and family. We consume it while playing trivia and board games. I'm looking forward to having some beers with the neighbors after I've built my fire pit (if it will ever stop raining). I've come to appreciate alcohol more, especially in social interactions.

I am working to be more mindful of my drinking. The problem for me comes in when I consume too much. I recognize a lot of that is habit at this point. Well, there are a couple habits at play. One of the habits is drinking on the weekends, which I've done on a fairly regular basis since my early 20s. This can sometimes carry over when I have one or two out to dinner with friends. I feel like I need to keep it going when I get home. If I don't have any at home I'll pick up a six pack on the way home. This habit will take time to change. I've recognized it and I'm working on it. I have little wins here and there where I recognize that I'm going for another drink and I start asking myself, "why?"

The other habit is that I tend to consume things rapidly. This includes food and drinks (not just alcohol). I'm usually the first one done with my food. I like to stay hydrated during the day (this comes from being a regular runner) so I consume a lot of water. I'm starting to watch where others are at drinking compared to me. This can backfire if I feel like I'm behind and need to catch up (I can be competitive sometimes). One thing I have incorporated successful is having a water for every drink that I have. This helps me slow down my alcohol consumption while helping me stay hydrated (next days aren't as painful). I've started getting a reputation for this, which I'm fine with. I explain to people that I'm working on my consumption rate.

Again, I want to thank everyone who reached out. I feel like I'm in a good place. I still have some things to work on. I'm making small strides, which is great.

Thoughts on Chester Bennington and suicide

I like to think that we're living in that parallel universe where Chester Bennington is shown what would happen if he were to commit suicide. The outpouring of love and grief for his death. In that parallel universe he decides not to commit suicide because he sees our universe. One can dream.

I discovered the news while on Twitter. Mike Shinoda tweeted the following:

Shocked and heartbroken, but it's true. An official statement will come out as soon as we have one.

— Mike Shinoda (@mikeshinoda) July 20, 2017

I was confused. I quickly pulled up Google and started digging for more information. The headlines teased Chester Bennington's death. The articles described his suicide and shock from family, friends, and other musicians. I was shocked. I graduated high school a couple years after Hybrid Theory hit shelves. I joined the Navy and attended one of the best conferences in southern California. One that included Linkin Park, Korn, Snoop Dogg, and others. The concert did not disappoint.

I had tickets to attend a Linkin Park concert a few years ago. Those tickets ended up getting refunded because Chester broke his leg. I was disappointed, but knew I would see another concert eventually. Seeing Linkin Park again is still a possibility. Unfortunately, it will be without Chester. That makes me sad. It also makes me reflect on my own struggle with suicide.

In my youth, I struggled with my identity. I fought with myself mentally. I don't know if it was depression, but I did have thoughts of killing myself. This was early in my Navy career. Nothing really triggered it. I got along with fellow sailors just fine. Things just didn't feel like they were going my way. I went to the common area to watch some TV.

I found a show by the name of Titus (by Christopher Titus). It's a show I had been watching for a couple years. In the episode Titus was talking about how he tried to kill himself while in high school. All because of a girl. I laughed so hard that I realized suicide was not the answer to my problems.

I've always remembered and reflected on that moment. How not flipping to that channel could have changed my life drastically. How I wouldn't be here writing this blog post, with a wife and two beautiful kids asleep just feet away from me. I'm writing this blog post because I know there are people out there who are struggling mentally. They're trying to decide how they'll proceed. I want to tell you that suicide is definitely not the answer. Life is the answer and it's a wonderful thing if you're willing to work for it (and have a little patience).

If you're struggling with dark thoughts you're not alone. There are several things you can do. Find something you can laugh at. Reach out to a hotline. Talk to someone else about your feelings. We've all been in that dark place at some point. It will get better. Like Chester you will be missed.

Podcasting for Hurricane Harvey relief

I guess you could call this a coming out of Astros podcaster retirement.

I am happy to announce that I will be teaming up with the fine gentlemen of the Lima Time Time podcast to help raise funds for Hurricane Harvey relief.  I am helping them produce a 24-hour live steaming event with spelling bees and comedian, musician, sports media, and other baseball personalities to help raise funds for people in Houston (we're coming for you JJ Watt). 

Watching events unfold in the news and on Twitter was heartbreaking. People I know on Twitter, through our fandom of the Astros, lost a lot in this natural disaster. Being in Nashville, there wasn't much I could do outside of donating money. I wanted to do more, though. That's why I'm thankful for the opportunity to use podcasting as a way to (hopefully) help some people in Houston.

The event page is up on Mixlr. Spread the word and start donating. I look forward to seeing you Friday night for what should be a wild and crazy 24-hour ride.

How to win your first PUBG match

I just won my first solo PLAYERUNKNOWN'S BATTLEGROUND (PUBG) match. It feels great! So great that I've decided to write up this blog post on how you too can win your first match. As you may have already noticed by the screenshot above, I'm not a very good player. But I like playing, because it's a new style of shooter for me and I get to play with some awesome people.

The Jump

Shatter NL's PUBG Map v0.7

The plan entered from the north with a heading towards Mylta and Novorepnoye. I decided to get out at Yasnay Polyana. Most people who jumped with me headed towards the school and Rozhok. I had one or two other people head to Yasnaya Polyana with me. I never saw them.

The Loot

Looting the town, I ended up with an AK, an UMP, and a ton of healing items. I modded out both weapons decently. The only thing I was missing was a barrel attachment for the AK. On the armor side, I had level two backpack, helmet, and body armor.

The Town

While looting I heard a car drive up and the player get out. I froze at this point and stopped looting the house I was in. I was making sure to close doors of the buildings I was in so I could hear anyone coming in. I waited around for him to enter one of the two doors, but he never did. Eventually, I got the courage to head to the roof for a look around. No one.

I finished looting the house and headed north across the street. I had lucked myself inside the circle. I was confident that no one was coming from the North. They'd either come from west or south. I started looking for mods in the north side of town. As I found an SMG suppressor for the UMP, I suddenly noticed that the blue force field was running in on me (Whoops!). I jumped off the roof of the building I was in and started heading south. Across and open field with my pistol out. Right before I left I had heard gun shots to my east so I was watching that direction by using the ALT key while I ran. Shoot I forgot to grab the SMG suppressor! 

Situational awareness and sound are very important in this game. Most games I'll have music going in the background (Thank you Amazon Prime Music!). This game I don't. I make sure the game volume is at 100% and any chat programs are at 50% or less. This allows me to hear vehicles, footsteps, and gun fire.

You can run slightly faster in the game with your pistol out verse running with no gun out (default key X). Don't ask me why that is, I don't know. We tested in game the other night and the person with the pistol looked like they were running slightly faster. While running or standing still you can look around your character with the ALT key. This allows you to spot enemies in the distance or around objects like trees. I don't bother with the first person view in the game.

Being in the Blue

Once the blue force field passes your character starts to take damage. This is so that games move along and don't turn into camp fests. The more shrinks there are the harder the blue hurts. This was only the second shrink, so I wasn't taking a ton of damage, but enough to concern me. I made sure to take painkillers and red bulls before the blue overtook me. Two of those will also help make you run faster while healing you over time.

I eventually did make it out of the blue, with just enough time to take a first aid kit and another red bull (it gives you wings!). The blue was shrinking again and I had to move. I made it to the next white circle just as the blue got there.

15 players left

Is I entered the white area, I immediately looked for cover. I now had some time to breath and listen for gun fire. There was quite a bit off to my left. I hadn't fired a shot at this point, so I had plenty of ammo. I was hesitant to shoot anything as I didn't have a flash hider or a suppressor for my AK. Any noise from me would draw attention. A vehicle came flying into the zone, but he was flying up the hill and too far of a shot for me. He was getting peppered by others to my west so I focused there.

I saw a gun running across the field. With a clear shot I started firing at him. After three hits he went prone and I finished him off. The blue was about to move again so I started skirting the next zone east because it had more cover and the action was to my west. Another car drove up and stopped near the road. The drive was out and I started taking shots at him. This time I missed all my shots and he went for cover behind a rock. The blue was moving in and I headed back west to get behind a tree. Shoot! I have to cross the road.

I decide to take some damage and see if the guy will pop his head out. No go. I moved into a different rock just a few feet from his rock. He wasn't popping out so I started using a first aid kit and used ALT to look up over the rock. He's throwing a molotov cocktail. I move and cancel the first aid kit. The molotov lands behind me. I start using the first aid kit. Now he's moving out on me. I decide to pop out and rush him with the AK, despite having half health. I think he had an UZI, because I wasted him. I moved behind a tree into the next circle.

Four Players Left

At this point there are four players left. I heal up and start chugging as many red bulls as possible (usually two). I see a guy prone moving in from the west. He's moving into an area where my view is blocked from trees. I decide to note his location and hold off firing any shots. I hear a Kar98k fire and kill someone to the south of me on top of the hill. I'm in the circle at this point and don't need to rush anything. There are three players left now.

The guy from the west has a long way to go. I have a good idea of where he is and what route he'll take. I know someone is on top of the hill, but I don't have a very good location. I wait to see if the guy south will fire and give me a better location. A few seconds later I have my answer. The zone shrinks again and I'm still on the edge (thank you RNG gods!). The guy ontop of the hill takes out the guy to my west.

Two Players Left

I have the advantage now. I'm in the zone and he has to come to me. The last guy probably doesn't have a good fix on me. I watch to the south and see him start moving down the hill. In the open! I lean right by hitting E and starting firing. I miss all my shots. I have the AK on auto, even with my 4x scope. Double tapping with the AK at distance is surprisingly effective. But not effective enough here.

He's behind the tree opposite me at this point and I'm scoped in. I'm still just leaning, because It exposes less of my body. He peeks right and I miss. He peaks left and I miss. Finally (for whatever reason) he pops out from behind the tree. Two shots later I'm the chicken dinner winner!

Final Thoughts (and things I forgot)

The easiest and fastest way to loot in the game is to hit TAB and drag the items over you want. I recommend starting at the bottom of the list, because pulling from the top will move all the below items. If you're grabbing them all, grabbing from the top is fine. Mods are important for weapons in this game. If you have a suppressor, you can take more difficult shots, because it will be harder for players to get a location on you. Seeing as I was without one, I decided to be more picky about my shots.

Scopes and sights are important. There are tuns of holographic and red dot sites available in the game. They replace sites which are very difficult to shoot from. The game has 2x, 4x, and 8x scopes. 4x scopes are the middle ground and you want at least one assault rifle with them. 8x are best with sniper rifles. I've used one with an m416 with great success.

My reaction to footsteps, doors opening, or vehicles is to crouch by using C and then hold right click. This zooms downs the site in third person. It allows for better aim and makes you walk. Combined with crouch this allows you to move around with out creating a lot of noise.

I've played the game for over 60 hours and I'm still not good. I am getting better. The game is fun, especially, if you can group with a squad (hit me up on Twitter if you're looking for one). It's very nuanced and takes a lot of practice. Jumping out of the plane is a lot of work. Heading straight down gets you to places quicker, but landing with a parachute is a whole mini-game in itself (AIM FOR THE ROOF!). Crap landed in a tree again (or worse fall of the roof and take fall damage). If you're patient enough with the game, though, you can win too.

If you're interested in joining our GamerSec Google Group, hit me up in email (timothy.deblock[at]gmail[dot]com or reach out to me on Twitter (DMs are open) for an invite.